A divorce can be a profound, life-changing event. There is no convenient or “good” time to get a divorce. Sometimes, only your spouse wants the divorce and not you. Your divorce can be a challenging and sometimes scary change of life. It can be a painful ordeal that may create a lifetime of emotional scars. Nevertheless, you can get through it. The challenge is in your attitude and how you approach your divorce, which can make all the difference.
Remember at all times that you have choices. You cannot control the acts of your spouse or of your spouse’s attorney. However, you can choose what you want to do in response to their actions. At the most basic level, this means that you can decide how to live your life. For example, you can choose to accept your spouse’s demands for settlement or you can choose to pursue a different alternative. And, you can decide what it is that you want to have happen, and choose to direct your attorney to achieve those goals.
You also can control your overall attitude towards your divorce. You first need to be aware of your feelings. How are you reacting to this? Are you feeling betrayed, abandoned or cheated? Do you feel that you are victimized? Are you ready for the divorce? Was it a surprise to you, or did you see it coming? Do you want the divorce? If so, does your spouse share your views? How are your actions affecting your children?
After you identify your emotions, the next step is to honestly ask yourself, “Are my emotions and reactions helping me effectively deal with the divorce? Is this emotion helping me effectively deal with my attorney?” After you make an effort to identify your feelings, you can make choices. For example, you can choose whether to play the role of the victim, or you can choose to pro-actively take charge by working with your attorney to make tough hard, decisions that will be to your long-term best interests. You can choose whether joint custody would be in your family’s best interests. You can choose whether to act in a way that makes your lawyer efficient or inefficient. The choice on how to proceed will be yours, and you can and should choose the option that best suits you. How you view yourself and your case will make a huge difference to your emotional health, will make a notable difference in how you work with your lawyer, and will significantly lower your overall attorney fees for a divorce in Portland, Oregon.
Portland divorce lawyer Ronald Allen Johnston is not a psychologist or therapist, but he is aware of full range of human emotions that surround a family law matter. He knows how these emotions interact with the legal system and divorce court, and how they can impede the process or work in harmony with it. Ronald Johnston has a mission to counsel clients and provide enough information for them to make the best decisions possible for their unique family situations. Ronald Allen Johnston knows of resources to refer you to and ways to help you be a more effective client, so that he can be a more effective lawyer for you.
If you are ready to set up your initial pre-divorce consultation, or if you would like a confidential second opinion on your family law matter, please contact our Portland divorce attorney now and let us help you explore your options.